January 21st - Mary

As I mentioned a couple of days ago, my parents are in town to visit us ("us" meaning their grandson) and to escape from the crowds in D.C. this weekend.  I interviewed my Dad and got to hear a lot more about his childhood and learn a little more about who he was, beyond being my father.  Last night, I sat down with my mom to do the same thing.  And, in doing so, I had a great conversation with a woman named Mary.



Mary

"Can I plead the fifth?" is how Mary started our interview.

Mary was born in Columbia, SC, but her family moved around quite a bit.  Her father, Henry, had a variety of different jobs that changed quite a bit.  He was in the Navy when he met his wife, Helen, but he later worked for a fire equipment company, at a bar and restaurant called Lums, ran a cafeteria, and worked at a chicken farm/processing plant.  His last job was actually for a company that sold cleaning products that was based right here in Greensboro.


Moving around so much had an impact on Mary. "In my twelve years of grade school, from kindergarten to senior year, I went to eight different schools," she said.

Mary: I don't really remember friends from before seventh grade.  I have been able to reconnect with those people after seventh grade now because of Facebook.  Because we moved around so much, we really relied on each other.


The "we" Mary refers to are her 9 brothers and sisters.  They are, in order of age:

Patty
Eileen
Jan
Connie
Norman
Mikki
Beverly
Mary
Guy
Angela


Lars: Where did the names come from?

Mary: I'm not quite sure actually.  Most are from different sides of the family.  It didn't matter in our home though, because you were never really called by your name.

Lars: What do you mean?

Mary: It depended on how mad my parents were.  They would call you something else because they were confused by who you were. "Eileen...Mikki...Angela...MARY!"  I do that with you and your brother sometimes too haha!



Mary: My mother was a housewife, she didn't work outside of the home until we were all grown up. I remember that I got my ears pierced right when Mom got her first job outside of the house.  She couldn't have done much before then, because my God, she was pregnant all the time!

The ten of us sort of broke up into different groups.  There were the four older girls, then Norman and Mikki, and then the four younger kids.  The four older girls helped to raise the younger kids because mom was pregnant for a lot of the time.  I don't think there's a two year gap between any of us, so there's almost 20 year time frame where my mother was either pregnant or recovering from a pregnancy.

If you ask the older girls, they lives were so different than the four younger kids.  To listen to them, they tell me how "We had two different childhoods."



Mary's mom and dad did the most that they could to provide a happy and safe home.

Mary: They put their family first and taught us to take care of one another.  We had no money but they were always helping people and we definitely picked up on that.

There was this one time, Dad was coming home from work and it was pouring down raining. There was this car on the side of the road, and this family was inside it.  The car was flooded, and everything was closed so they couldn't get it towed or fixed.

The father in the car said that they didn't have any money to stay anywhere, so they would just stay in the car over night until a garage opened up.  Dad wouldn't have that, so he brought the man and the woman and their...I think it was two kids...home with him.  Mom welcomed them with open arms, and then ran into the kitchen to figure out a way to make what we had to eat enough for everyone. She prayed to bless her pots and pans, and somehow she made it work out.

I guess that's why whenever I see the Salvation Army or when I see someone that needs something, I give it to them.  If you can help someone, if you have a little extra, then that's what you do.



Lars: I grew up with this big crazy family.  Did you have the same kind of family, outside of your sisters and brothers?

Mary: No, dad had one sister who had two children.  He also had three step brothers that were never really adopted but they took on the Brooks name.  Big Daddy, that's my grandfather, he was married twice and that's where the step children come in.  They all have children but I don't keep in touch with them that much.  Facebook again has helped with that.

The name "Mia" that I wanted Elliot to call me actually came from one of my step-cousins.  I wrote them an email asking if it was ok if I used that name as well because I really liked it, and they were fine with it.

I didn't have the cousins that you or your brother do.  We would see them every once in awhile but it's not the relationship that you have now.  We grew up dirt poor so we couldn't go see them often (that's what happens when you have 10 kids!).



Lars: What was a positive thing about growing up one of ten children?

Mary: You always had someone to talk to (and fight with). You had someone you could rely on.  And you learned how to share.  That's something we all took away from that kind of childhood. You needed to be good to others.

Lars: What's a negative thing about growing up one of ten children?

Mary: You have nine siblings that you have to share everything with!  You never had a room to yourself.  At one point all of the girls shared a room in the basement of one of the places we lived in.

It just all felt normal though.  There were enough of to field a baseball team or have an actual basketball game.  We made it fun.  By the time that I was old enough to start remembering things, there were really just seven of us in the house.  The three older girls, Patty, Eileen, and Jan, had already moved out and gotten married.



Three of Mary's siblings have passed away.  The first was Guy, her younger brother.

Lars: Tell me about Guy, what was he like?

Mary: Guy was funny.  And he was protective of any female in general.  Someone hit a girl at school and Guy got suspended because he beat them up afterwards.  He was a hard worker, and a loving father.

When I'm around you and Jason and Brooks (two of my cousins), I'm going to call one of you "Guy" without meaning to.  It's something physically about you three or something about your personalities, you three just remind me of him a lot.


2014 was a tough year for the Brooks family, because we lost Jan in July and Patty in November.

I am fortunate enough that my last memory of Jan was at my wedding.  She came up to me after the ceremony and told me that she was praying for us and that she loved us.

Lars: What was Jan like?

Mary: Jan was the sweetest person you'd ever meet, and she had the biggest dimples.


Lars: And what about Patty?

Mary:  She was my mother.  She looked and acted just like her.  And she was hard-headed.  But she had a heart of gold and loved everyone and would do anything she could for anyone.



Lars: What was your dream job growing up?

Mary: Well, I went to college for two years.  The first year I did alright, but the second year I moved to the other end of the hall and partied too hard.  I studied education while I was there and I think teaching might have been the career for me.  I wish I had finished it, that's a big regret of mine, not getting that degree.

Lars: You should go back now! Do something online.

Mary: It's definitely something I've thought about.  I signed up for some classes at a hobby store, maybe if I like that I'll keep it going.



Lars: What did you think when you met your future husband?

Mary: I knew Bill in high school (he was dating another Mary back then).  Officially we met at the Palm Room, but we really got together at Crazy Zach's.  I know that this is a point of contention, but mothers are always right.

I knew on our third date that I was going to marry him, I just knew.  I don't know why, I just had this feeling.  He moved to Virginia after he finished at Cape Fear Tech, and I thought that if it was supposed to work then it would.  And 33 years later here we are.




What is your favorite joke?

Mary: I have two, and they're really stupid but they make me laugh.

Why do the French eat snails? Because they don't like fast food.

What's big, red, and eats rocks? A big, red, rock-eater.



What meal reminds you most of home?
Mary: Eat more. Mom needed to be able to feed a lot of people with not a lot of food.  So she'd throw macaroni and ground beef and frozen vegetables and cheese and ketchup together and make something that still makes me feel like home after all these years.



Will the world be better in 20 years?

Mary: I hope it will be better.  I'll be 80.  My oldest grandchild will be 21.  That's really weird.  He could be married by that point...he could have his own child at that point.  So I just hope that it's going to be better.  As long as it doesn't get any worse we will be ok.



What's the most significant event that you've witnessed in your life?

Mary: Excluding this year? Yikes! I remember I was working at the hotel in Bath when 9/11 happened, that was just crazy.  And I remember playing in the front yard in Cary when JFK was shot. The lady across the street was not a fan of his and she came out yelling "Yay, he's dead!"

I thought that was just so wrong, even being so little.



What was the most significant thing that happened this year?

Mary: Coming back home.  Denmark was awesome, and I met some wonderful people and saw places I never thought that I would get to see.  But it wasn't home.

Once we all grew up, I always lived the furthest away from everyone, except for Angela, who lived in Ecuador for awhile. And that's been hard. When I go home sometimes I feel like an outsider because of that.  When Norman and Mikki were raising their kids we were raising our kids, you and Lukas, in Maine, so I missed out on those years.

So it makes me really happy to see that you have that kind of relationship with your cousins now. Because we are really an amazing group.  Even if it does take you half an hour to leave a room because there's so many people to hug and say goodbye to.



At this point in the conversation, it turned to a very popular topic nowadays (Elliot) and that's when I started talking to Mom again.


Lars: Do you like being a Mia?

Mom: I love being a Mia.  My heart melts every time I see Elliot smile.

Lars: What's different about it than with me and Lukas (my younger brother)?

Mom: It's just wonderful to see my son with a wonderful little guy of his own.  I can do things for Elliot that I wasn't able to do for you and your brother because we are in a more stable place than when we were raising you. And, if he's upset, I can just give him back to you!


I've always considered myself to be somewhat of a "mama's boy."  Not in any negative sense, it' just that I have a connection with my mom and with her side of the family that is different than the relationship I have with my dad.  Mom likes to say that while I take after my father in looks and mannerisms, I'm more of a Brooks (Lukas, on the other hand, looks like a Brooks but is more of a Farabee).  I appreciate and love both sides of my family equally, I just ended up loud and gregarious like the Brooks clan.

I think every child has that kind of relationship with one of their parents, and they end up taking after one family a little more than another.  It's exciting for me to see Elliot grow up because there have been times where he looks exactly like Elizabeth, and there's been others when I see myself in him. I'm looking forward to see the kind of person he becomes.  If he turns out like his Mia, and any of her crazy, amazing, wonderful family members, he's going to be a good man indeed.